The Hive Mind's Eye

who you should fight: Gotham villains edition

• joker: i cannot stress enough how necessary it is that you fight the joker. please, for the love of god fight the joker. hit him with a crowbar. have you seen how skinny this man is? how pale? he clearly doesn't go out in the sun enough, making him vulnerable to attacks. please kick his ass. wipe the clown face paint right off of his smug face. do it for jason todd. do it for barbara gordon. do it for all of us.
• harley quinn: i know that harley has done a lot of bad things, but please don't fight her. she's still trying to recover from the joker, and she deserves a break. please let harley rest with her gf. also lbr harley has the stamina of a bull, have you seen how many cartwheels she can do? have you seen the size of that hammer? good luck buddy. also she will psychoanalyze you in the middle of the fight and you will start crying. don't fight harley.
• poison ivy: why would you try to fight the literal embodiment of mother nature? we are surrounded by plants? don't fight ivy, she will kick your ass. also, unless she's provoked, ivy is pretty cool. remember that time she protected all those kids? leaf her alone. remember: leaves of three, let it be.
• scarecrow: crane is ridiculously skinny, a strong breeze could knock him over. it would be an easy win, as long as he doesn't get his needles in you. but would it be worth it? it's an empty win. i have no strong feelings about scarecrow. fight scarecrow if you want to.
• catwoman: lmao good luck buddy this woman runs around a city in HEELS, she will knock you out and then step over your body to go rob a jewelry store. don't fight selina. i'm also like 99% sure that if you fight her every single cat in gotham will have it in for you. do you know how many cats are probably in gotham? enough to kill you dead. don't fight selina.
• killer croc: DONT FIGHT KILLER CROC HE EATS PEOPLE WHAT THE FUCK!!! also he was bullied as a child :( BUT HE ALSO EATS PEOPLE! DO NOT FIGHT KILLER CROC.
• the riddler: i mean sure, why not. eddie does have a chance to reform, but he can also be pretty annoying, so i say go for it. fight the riddler. ask him a riddle and while he's distracted, go right for the jaw. one punch is probably all it will take to take him out. but fair warning, he'll probably get petty revenge by like signing you up for a bunch of spam email. either way, it's worth it. fight the riddler.
• two face: please fight two face i hate his ugly suit. steal his quarter during mid coin-flip. quote the law at him. batman doesn't like fighting dent because they used to be friends, but we have no such qualms. tbh i bet harvey is a gemini, which is just extra incentive to fight two face. but watch out for his gun. and his second gun. please fight him.
• mr. freeze: honestly, i feel really bad for mr. freeze and his wife. but also, cool_motive_still_murder.gif. fighting mr. freeze will be pretty hard because of the literal freezer he's wearing, and honestly, would it be even worth it? he's just a very sad man underneath it all. fight mr. freeze, but your heart won't be in it.
• bane: lmao good luck my dude. bane could be holding a teddy bear while he breaks your back, and that will somehow make the whole thing even more terrifying. don't fight bane.